There are many times that we allow our flesh, our human-ness to get the best of us. We get upset when folks say or do something that angers or sadden us. We are quick to tell folks "don't make me". Make you what? What is it that you are really going to do. Well, actually they aren't. It's YOU! You make and allow yourself to feel anyway you want to feel.
In essence this is about control. How much #control or power have you handed over to people? Especially people who are outside of you?! People who don't value the special gift you've given of trust to be so easily moved by them? Is it their responsibility to care for your #emotions and care for a power you didn't have the right to give up anyway?! We hope that those that we love take special care of that part of our soul we have unwisely given away, but lots of times we are highly disappointed. It isn't their responsibility!! By giving this level of #influence, how do you hope to control them with it?
It took me a long time to realize that how I feel starts with a choice. And lots of times that choice is determined by how much I can get by displaying that emotion. Yes, it's true most cases our feelings can be justified, but how long we choose to stay there is up to us. Also the why is equally important. I spent many sleepless nights, nights crying on the bathroom floor, having to pull over from driving, co-pays at the psychiatrist, money for pills and lots of over eating before I got it. And even after I got it, I still have to do a lot of talking to myself and my emotions to place how I'm feeling under subjection. It's work!!!
I've learned a great deal of this was my feeling inadequate, unwanted, not needed, insignificant.... But why?! What happened to make me feel this way? I took my focus of God and myself!!! I started taking care of others and neglected myself. I allowed myself to become so empty from pouring out too much I left MYSELF broken and badly in need of repair.
In trying to repair myself without knowing what was broken I unintentionally expected others to fix it. To yield to my feelings and emotions. To take responsibility for MY MESS! That's unfair to them and to me!!! I was selling myself short in thinking I couldn't handle certain things and that I wasn't going to have certain things and if they loved me they would act a certain way. In my giving to others, that was a mighty selfish mindset! I recently read a book that challenged me to live in expectancy versus expectations. That for me was an a-ha moment! I immediately decided then that folks belong to them selves and I can't force them to do anything. My expectation that they act a certain way or treat me a certain way sets me up to be disappointed. However if I have an expectancy, understanding what I would like for them to do but not mandating or requiring it to happen, puts me in a better position than living in expectation.
I'm learning that my emptiness will only be refilled through my focus returning to Christ and me... I'm learning to talk to myself and hear myself. I'm learning that someone's choice to do something different, to be with someone else has nothing to do with me! It sounds cliche' because its true!!! I don't have to feel inadequate or unloved because someone else chooses something or someone else. Hell it just might mean that they realized they couldn't measure up! Or maybe it means that God's something so amazing that He needs me all the way right!
Learning to love yourself when it seems as if those you want to "choose" to love you do t or won't is a difficult walk to take, but its a walk that is easy when you realize you aren't walking alone. The word says that where two or more are gathered in His name there He is in the midst. Well, isn't He always with me, with us? Then what that scripture means to me is that all He's waiting on is for us to agree with ourselves! We don't have to wait on someone else to tell us anything!!!! There's already agreement! I don't have to hope and pray someone else sees or wants the same thing... I just have to make it up in my mind.
#God created me in His image and there's nothing confusing about Him!!!! Why do I ALLOW myself to live in confusion, especially in my own mind?! Where there is confusion there is unrest and where there is unrest there can not be peace! I learned from Peter's story that peace is always defined as the absence of confusion or uncertainty, but its the choice to be steadfast in what you believe and allow your faith to keep you from rocking in the storm! Peace be still means YOU!! You be still. You stop rocking and wavering. You stop worrying and you stop yielding to unbelief and little faith. How you feel in the storm is up to you. How battered and torn you are has a lot to do with you.
What are you choosing in the face of #adversity? In the face of unrest? Even in the face of at person you don't like? I'm hoping you choose #peace. Each time I feel as if the feeling is overwhelming and going to overtake me, I #commit to doing something that gives me joy, puts a smile on my face and takes me to a #happy place. I'm choosing me.